i can feel law and grad school slipping away

I was just sodomized by my Italian test.

No, literally. It was atrociously hard, but the worst part was, I barely studied. I was expecting it to go in one direction and it completely turned around on me. To illustrate how poorly I failed, I’m going to write the last essay question and my response (to the best of my memory). I had no problem reading it. Writing a response, however, was apparently impossible for someone with an IQ of 10, like me. I could not remember any vocab word I’ve ever learned in the past year and a half. I even forgot the words for ‘morning,’ ‘afternoon,’ and ‘happy.’

Scegli una delle due persone nelle foto. Descrivere la loro infanzia, la loro routine quotidiana, le loro descrizioni fisiche, e la loro personalità.
Pick one of the two people in the photos. Describe their childhood, their daily routine, their physical descriptions, and their personalities.
(use complex sentences, conjunctions, and construct a logical paragraph with natural flow)

I selected the photo of the old man cooking, and I kid you not, I wrote this. (but in Italian):

Fabio is old. He likes food. He likes to take walks with his mother. His hair is gray and curly. He was bad to his parents when he was young. He gets up late in the morning. He cooks with his family. He likes to eat. He is a person born in Italy. Fabio likes his friends. Fabio likes naps.

And I’m not even sure if I used proper grammar or spelled everything right. So don’t mind me, world. I’ll be crying in the corner waving good bye to my dreams of running the world as a high-powered executive.