What makes a good kisser?

December 5, 2012 § Leave a comment

My cousin Joe came over for a glass of pinot, like he does most Tuesdays, and after a long conversation about relationships (like usual) he told me he and his friend Audrey had crafted the 6 P’s of Kissing. I laughed too, don’t worry.

But anyway, here they are:

1. Precision. “Being precise with your motions.” Aka, your tongue does not need to flop about my mouth. Tongue is not bad, but it needs to move in a directed, angular manner (without being stiff, of course). Slurping is not welcome. My roommate Kylie says it’s like meeting someone, especially when you kiss for the first time. Little by little you work up to the bigger stuff. I think she’s right, but I’m still biased about this. I hate tongue. I do my best to avoid it. If a guy kisses me and tries to use a lot of tongue with no direction, I train him by keeping my mouth HELLA CLOSED. Joe disagrees–he likes tongue (provided, of course, it stays in line with the 6 P’s).

2. Purposefulness. “Whatever you do with your entire body has to have a purpose. You need to plan ahead and know exactly what you’re trying to do with it. You can’t wander about aimlessly.” Joe says it’s an attitude in the situation, purposefulness is almost like passion. Which brings us to the third P.

3. Passion. It’s self-explanatory. Regardless of how drunk or sober you are (as are always factors when discussing college hook-ups, we’ve decided), if there isn’t at least a little passion, it’s just going to be terrible.

4. Placement. “Placement ties in with precision, and it’s the most technical factor. It refers to where and what you actually are doing with your tongue, with your lips, with your hands, and how you’re making contact with the other person.” Fine. I accept this.

5. Playfulness. “There needs to be a coquettish quality to the encounter.” In all of my best encounters–for lack of a better way to say it–I have laughed during. Sex is hilarious. Kissing is too. We might as well joke about it.

6. Joe says the final P is perhaps the most important. Perception. “You must constantly be aware of what the other person is feeling and doing and be able to adjust what you’re doing to make the situation better for both parties.” I think that in theory that’s true, but a lot of times people in those situations are solely focused on themselves. However, it’s a good policy?

I guess I should probably do my homework now and stop discussing all of the fabulously good and hilariously bad kissing I’ve experienced.

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