I saw Les Miserables today…

January 7, 2013 § Leave a comment

…and I sobbed like a little bitch. Everyone who knows me is not surprised. In fact, I can see Mindy Rosen rolling her eyes 76 miles away. Whatever, Melinda. That movie was emotionally exhausting, and to quote my favorite scene in Mean Girls, I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS.

A few lessons and points of interest from my Les Mis experience:

1. No matter how hard-hearted I try to be, I am a sappy, hopeless, drooling, pathetic romantic.
2. Whenever I’m feeling sorry for myself I say things like “Ugh, I’m always Eponine, never Cosette.” I need to stop doing this, since Eponine was not only raised by terrible people and my parents are hardworking, honest folk, but she is literally ass in love with an oblivious d-bag that encompasses her entire existence, and I just tend to mildly crush on multiple people that are semi-unaccessible to me. Also I never took a bullet for anyone.
3. The sickening crunching noise that was made when Russell Crowe killed himself made me vomit up my slushie a little bit.
4. I no longer have any interest in going to France. It’s dirty there, bro.
5. How was piling up some furniture and hiding behind it a well-thought-out plan for a revolution? Yeah, let’s hide twenty guys with shitty weaponry behind a piano and hope the French Army doesn’t rip our asses to pieces. SPOILER ALERT: they did.
6. No matter how many times I’d listened to the soundtrack, I was wildly unprepared to watch Eponine die. I may have let out a small scream of grief.
7. This movie has scared me straight into always being honest with my feelings, but also probably will keep me from ever falling in love. Otherwise I’ll end up taking a bullet for someone who barely noticed I was alive, and used me as their errand girl in their weird love affair with someone they met five minutes ago.
8. I’m now afraid that if I ever take a stand on something, all of the people I will love will die fighting for my cause.
9. No matter how hard I work to improve myself and put my past behind me, Javert will find me and take me back to prison and my past indiscretions will never be forgiven!
10. They told me to “LOOK DOWN, since this is where I’ll to die.” I DO NOT WANT TO DIE IN 1004. Or in a weird boat jail in France.
11. When all the hot young Frenchmen are singing Red and Black, all I could think was “I’d like to red YOUR black.” Yeah, I’m gross.

The worst part is, that all that bitching aside, I think I still believe “that to love another person is to see the face of God.”
Goddammit, Jean Valjean.


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